if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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