Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize