I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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