4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
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after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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