Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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