i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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