...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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