Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
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She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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