Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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