Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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