i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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