you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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