She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize