You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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