so let's talk penis.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
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I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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