Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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