i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize