I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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