Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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