Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
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You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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