Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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