he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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