You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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