If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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