and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
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You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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