i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
