Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize