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So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
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