That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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