508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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