Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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