Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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