those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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