I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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