I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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