Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
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he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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