we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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