My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
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You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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