He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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