When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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