I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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