At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
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Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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