tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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