So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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