We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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