i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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