I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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