wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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