you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize