im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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