life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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